Cold hands, warm shart.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
