She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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