well I can't set my house on fire every night
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
