Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
