i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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