But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well I just put wine in my tea
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
