Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
