how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize