I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
