Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
