just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
