What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
