Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
