I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
