i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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