so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
