why didn't you poke me back
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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