I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize