You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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