i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
