My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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