i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
