I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
