I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
