I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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