i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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