I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Will exercising make me less horny?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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