I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
