Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
