how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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