Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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