what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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