In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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