ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
