The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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