I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
