Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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