At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
