I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want to make a zoo with you.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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