Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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