so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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