So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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