Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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