Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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