Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
