He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
