I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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