I looked at my own cervix.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
