that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
