Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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