Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
