I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
