your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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