:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
