I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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