All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
