he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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