About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
