my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
