you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
