I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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