i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
