Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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