dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
