you would pick up someone in the library
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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