Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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