I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
