I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
