Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
