Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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