The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i dont even know how to be here
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
