Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize