Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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