What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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