I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
