You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
