i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize