Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
