Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So squirting runs in the family.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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