you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
