Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
