just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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