All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize