when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
