she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
