I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
