I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
