I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
