You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
