i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
